As I sit here waiting for the water to boil for my afternoon
cup of tea my mind begins to think about all that has occurred this past year.
It was this time last year I sat in a very lonely place. We’d experienced a
mountain of change and transition in a very short amount of time. Our family had grown, my husband changed
jobs, we started homeschooling, started attending a new church, and the list
goes on. I sat in this place of change and transition tired and energized all
at the same time. You see, I knew God was up to something. He moved so many
pieces and shifted so many things that I knew He was on the move, preparing the
way for us, and preparing us for the journey. The mountain of change that we
faced required a lot of faith. It required me and my husband to be a unified
front, being on the same page, line, and letter. We tried to “pray” our way out
of some decisions and God wouldn’t budge.
He said move and so we did. The familiar comforts and places were so
hard to step away from, but we knew we didn’t want to miss God, His calling and
will for us. So we obeyed.
The changes that we faced of course came with their own set
of hurt and heartache, and were certainly accompanied by their own set of losses.
However, we knew, without a doubt, that we were doing what God had called us to
do. We were tired of the same circular race that we had been running for years.
We had a hunger for God and knew that He was about to show us Himself in new
ways and do new things in us. We were ready to get to work.
However, for me, I had a particularly difficult time trying
to discern what God’s will for ME was in this season of life. What did He want
me to be doing? I knew He was calling me, first to Himself, to seek Him and
know Him, and second to make Him known. I also knew that He has blessed me
beyond measure with two amazing little girls who I have the privilege of staying
home with and homeschooling. Was that all He wanted from me? If so, then
awesome. I consider it my greatest joy and privilege to be a mom. I wasn’t ever
sure if it was possible to do more and take on more in this season. You see I was like a small girl in front of
an enormous dam with her finger in this tiny hole, holding back an unfathomable
flood of the Holy Spirit, just because I didn’t think it was “my time”. The
more I stood in this place of uncertainty the more I knew that no matter what
my circumstances were, God’s provision would always be Faithful, and that His
calling was for RIGHT NOW. There would
be no more days sitting disheartened wanting to be doing more, no more days filled with anxiety over my
inability to be about anything other than the privilege of caring for my home
and family. He made us, me and you, to do things far greater than our mind
would ever conceive as possible.
So what did I do??? I began to seek God, get into His Word,
Pray and Fast. No more sitting on the sidelines waiting for anything to fall in
my lap. I sought out to be discipled by a Godly Woman. I needed someone who
would challenge me, encourage me, and teach me to do hard things and do them
scared. I needed someone who exemplified what it looked like to love Jesus and
follow His call no matter the cost. I needed someone who was real and authentic
and reveled in the unending grace of our Father. I needed someone who would
pour into me and wanted me to experience all that God has for me, and that is
exactly what I got. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for this
past year, the encouragement, challenges, friendship, prayers, and tears that
have been invested. Through being
discipled and invested in, God has become more precious and dear to me than He ever
was in the past 33 years that I have been in church. My affection for Him is
often more than I can bear. I have experienced a REVIVAL, a new season of
growth and life is taking place in my life. I have had to step out in Faith and
believe God for words to share with my International friends. I’ve had to pray
and believe God for a move of the miraculous in my family and the families of my
friends. I have had to believe God that I am BELOVED and chosen by Him “FOR
SUCH A TIME AS THIS”. I have had to face some ugly truths about how I was
living and the lies I had come to believe as truth. I’ve had to step out in
BLIND faith and do some hard things and do them scared, BUT, without fail God
in His great mercy and faithfulness has met me every step of the way. He was
and is there every step of the journey.
Being a disciple is no easy thing. It’s a full on pursuit of
Jesus, His Holiness, Love, and a life of surrender. A life lived in longing and
pursuit to be Like Him and For Him. It’s a call to get your finger out of the
dam and allow the Holy Spirit to invade and do with you what He will. Life is
not perfect or easy. My husband and I still fight and my kids drive me crazy,
my words fall short all the time, and I royally screw up a lot, but God meets
me with such grace in every moment and in every step. He has Redeemed me, Restored
me, and made me whole. He has Revived my soul and He calls me His own.
Dedicated to the women who have journeyed with me these past
33 years and taught me what it is to Love the Father and Follow Jesus.
