A Veiled Life

Today I found myself with an unusual amount of energy. 4.5 months pregnant + an unusual cup of coffee makes for a motivated pregnant mommy. I've been wanting to write for some time, but honestly have been sick, tired, and well...just lazy. Well, today with my bit of extra energy I was foraging my library for a new Devotion book. I knew I had a few that I hadn't touched yet (thank you thrift store), and I needed to get back into a regular time in the Word and hearing from God.

Since getting pregnant in March I've really struggle with consistency in the Word. Actually it's been pretty non-existent. Like I said before I've been sick, tired, and just plain lazy. I hate admitting that, but I'm not going to be some fake Christian girl/woman acting like I have it all together. I DON'T!!!

I've found myself overcome with all these new hormones and crazy pregnantness (that is my new word) that I've allowed myself this tidy little space in time to hide. Hide from what you might ask??? Well...everything. I do only what is required for basic living and of course "being churchy". Alot of my free time is spent hiding in sleeping or watching tv. I really hate owning up to that. UGH!!! No I don't neglect my responsibilities as a wife and mother, but I certainly do as a daughter of the KING. (Now I'm depressing myself...pregnant emotions...FUN). What I mean is that I have given myself excuse on top of excuse as to why I don't have time for a devotion or prayer life. I can't get up early because I need sleep or during Bree's nap time because I'm exhausted and need to lay down. I've not believed Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." God plainly states that He will give me rest if I just COME TO HIM. That is plain and simple enough. I also allow myself to get swept up in television. I hide behind the excuse, that it helps me to unwind and decompress. Well, yes, having a 4yr old can be stressful, exhausting, exhilarating, and fun all at the same time, and yes I think time to unwind in fine, but I've gone a bit overboard I think in my pursuit of the next decent thing to watch. 

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is to talk about living a veiled life, hiding behind excuse, circumstances, or habits; vs living an unveiled life, free from the excuses, past our circumstances, and liberated from our binding habits. I don't want to live hiding, veiled from what could be. I want the curtain to be torn from top to bottom, to see the endless possibilities before me, without the lies of danger or the fear of the unknown. I want to boldly step out into what God has already laid at my feet. I want to live with Unveiled Hope, Unveiled Love, Unveiled Passion, and with Unveiled Faith; ready to wage war for my heart and the heart of those around me. 

Let the Veil be torn and Unveiled Living Begin.

2 Corinthians 3:18

The Message (MSG)

 ^16-18Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

DEVASTATED PART 4: THE CHANGE

Devastated the Change.

Are you devastated at this moment? I don't mean in regards to what I have been talking about in previous posts, but instead...are you hurting, writhing in pain? Has something come upon you that has shaken you to your very core. Has something nearly destroyed all that you believed about yourself or how you see yourself; having significant impact on how you see the world and God? Have you been devastated, changed into something that you often don't recognize, not knowing who you are or what you are doing? I have. My whole world has been flipped on it's head more than once. If you asked people around me, most wouldn't have a clue of the trap that I have allowed myself to stay in bondage to, the lies that I have allowed Satan to nearly destroy me, my love for my Savior, my family, and my calling. I have believed that I am worthless, unusable, and of no consequence to anyone. Are you feeling that way right now? Do you feel trapped and hopeless? Do you feel of no consequence to anyone? I have more times than I care to admit. I've allowed the hurt and pain that I have experienced to dictate my behavior, hiding in sheer terror of being shaken again...desperate for solid ground. Well, let me tell you that there is a place far greater than solid ground. It's in the freedom of flight. Flying in the presence of the Almighty King and Maker of all creation.

We talked previously about all that God has done for us, sending His only Son to die so that we may live...yet we so easily become encumbered by the lies that Satan feeds us. Now he may not be attacking the depths of your heart but may be whispering promise of security in apathy. I've also been there and bought into that lie as well. However, something deep with in us is desperate for more. A deep hunger that dwells in the very depths of who we are is crying out to be free..to fly. However, we act like the scared little blue bird, afraid of what lies beyond the nest, seeking the safety and security that the familiar offers. However, that is a false security. Stuck inside that nest that little bird is susceptible to so many attacks (from predator, weather, and hunger) because it has no knowledge of how to fly, escape, or sustain itself. It's fear makes it prime prey. Similarly, we become prey, easy pickings, for Satan and all the lies that he feeds us when we allow our fear to dictate our behavior. God is calling us to something more. He has placed a thirsty heart inside of us. Will we allow ourselves to realize that and begin to be filled by all that God has for us? I love what AW Tozer says "Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been awakened by the touch of God within them." Our first step must be in the realization that something is missing. Our hearts are longing to soar, to experience new heights and depths of life, love, and passion. To experience a touch of God. That longing has been placed there by God.

Have you ever been in the still quiet of a moment when you allow yourself to dream, to imagine greatness, wholeness, adventure, and freedom? That is what He gave us. A desire for more and a desperation for GLORIOUS living. It's amazing how quickly we snap back into reality with the nagging of a child or the bustle of our job. We lose hope for a future greatness and freedom. We once again buy into the lies of Satan, losing hope for the mere possibility of change. We become content in the mundane everyday synchronicity of our lives. BUT WAIT!!!

John 16:33

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace, In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John 10:10

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

He has come to save us, to resurrect in us a new life full of endless possibilities. A life not our own, but His with a promise of life and life abundant. However, to receive this we must humble ourselves in complete surrender. Like John Eldridge talks about in "The Sacred Romance" if we want to share in the story that God has, we've got to play the part that He has given us no matter what.

Change is not something that I run whole heartedly toward, but by and with the Grace and Mercy of my Heavenly Father I can embrace the plan He has for me. I can live "FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS". No matter the hurt that I have experienced, will experience in the future, and the lies of Satan that I have to battle against, I must believe that God is SOVEREIGN and in control of ALL things. It is in this belief and living this out with everything inside of me that I can FLY in the FREEDOM of not only knowing my Savior but truly experiencing Him to His fullest.

WILL YOU FLY WITH ME?

DEVASTATED PART 3: THE CHALLENGE

Devastated Part 3 The Challenge.

Webster’s Definition

Challenge: To confront or defy boldly: Dare

When I think of the word challenge I have memories of my childhood, being challenged to do something I was uncomfortable with, jumping into the river, rock climbing, deer hunting, scuba diving (really my life is not as interesting as it may sound). Most of those things I love to do, and as I look back I am glad that I at least tried them and that I experienced the thrill that they offered. However, there are things that I am challenged with that I run scared from, afraid of the sacrifice or the work that it might take to accomplish the thing that I am being challenged with.

One such instance occurred with a friend of mine a few weeks ago. We decided to meet up at favorite chicken sandwich joint, CFA. While watching our girls play in the play place we sat and talked, just catching up with one another, and out of left field she asked me, “Hey, do you want to run a marathon with me?” . Honestly, my knee jerk reaction was NOOOOOOOO!!!! However, I do have a severely messed up knee that I’m probably going to have some sort of surgery or serious action taken upon it at some point that physically prevents me from doing such a thing. Now with that being said my initial response was NO regardless of any physical ailment. Too much pain for sure and the sacrifice I couldn’t begin to wrap my mind around that. Now this particular friend God has given me through His Grace and Understanding that I need someone in my life who will push me, believe in me, and kick my tail when it needs it, not because she is some supernatural spiritual women (although she is pretty amazing), but because she has allowed God to do that in her life through her relationship with Him and with others who do the same for her. Friends who boldly and lovingly speak truth and wisdom into your heart and soul are of the greatest value in life.

However, more importantly though do we allow God that place to examine us and show us anything in us that does not line up with His will for us.

Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

What if we had hobbies, however innocent, that were distracting us from anything that He was wanting to show us? Has my pursuit of my hobbies or interests become an idol? Am I so distracted that I miss so many things that He is wanting or needing me to learn in order to face whatever may be down the road in my life? The thought struck me …what if we fell on our knees in complete humility, giving everything of ourselves in worship to Him? I mean, He sacrificed His only Son for us what are we willing to sacrifice for Him? Is “me time” (pinterest, downton abbey, crafting, etc…) really more important than knowing my heavenly Father? Now if you get a knot in your stomach like I have we have to ask ourselves the question “ Are we really wanting to see His face and truly be His or are we content with the pittance that we get in our weekly or bi-weekly attendance at church?”. Do we really want to be where He is? Do we want to Feast at His table daily, saturated by the goodness and wholeness that He offers or are we content with our little bowl of weekly porridge that meets the nutritional minimum? If we want more, we MUST be willing to humble ourselves and bow before the ALMIGHTY MAKER of heaven and earth? To seek, see, taste, know, to behold and be beheld. Do we believe that when we call upon Him that He will answer? Have we lost even the faith of a mustard seed?

Luke 17:6 “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to the mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.”

What has happened to us? We want it to be our way right away, but that is dung. It leads to death.

Proverbs 16:25 “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death”

When we are not pursuing God we are walking as dead men and women. We need to be pursuing God. The Word of God is where it is at people. If we are not diving in, drinking deeply at the well that He so freely gives us, then we are dead. We have no life. His word is life giving, having the power to change our lives if we only believe it. God shed His ONLY son’s blood for us and we sit preoccupied by whatever tickles our fancy and sadly in total ignorance of what He is capable of. His ways are higher than our ways and how foolish we are to believe or live like anything else.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Now if you have never experienced the life giving transformation that Jesus offers… He waits for you.

Revelation 3:20 “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

He wants you just as you are.

John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

We are all messed up and sinners, Lost without a Savior

Romans 3:10 “ as it is written: None is righteous, no, not one;

Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the Glory of God”

Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 5:8 “but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 10:9 “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Romans 10:13 “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Romans 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been justified (made right or pure) by faith, we have peace with god through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

He is calling will you answer?

Now, whether we have a personal relationship with Him or not He is calling. Are we willing… to be MADE willing to be DEVASTATED (Changed beyond recognition) and allow the glory of God to arise in our lives and shine like never before? That is the CHALLENGE!!!

DEVASTATED PART 2: THE CHOICE

Okay so yesterday I posted about being Devastated, totally unrecognizable. Well this is what He has set in my heart “FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS”.

The last few years I feel like I've been in a tug of war, fighting a battle that I cannot win on my own, trying my hardest to be a "GOOD" Christian, Wife, and Mother BUT not who God created me to be. HIS!!!

I’ve been ignoring His call to journey with Him and struggling on my own to stay on a mountain top, in that safe place. I’ve been so unwilling to budge, desperate for something more or better thinking that is the only place I can attain it, only to have my rear end booted off time and time again. Somehow I’ve come to believe that if I’m not on the mountain top that I’m not where I need to be with Him, as if that is the only place He resides. As I’m writing this I can’t believe that I’ve been blind for so long. I’ve allowed Satan to tell me what a failure I am in those valley moments. I’ve allowed him to hinder my call, my dreams and most importantly my pursuit of MY JESUS. Instead of trusting Him with EVERYTHING, I’ve only trusted with some things. As my grandmother says, “You either trust God with Everything or you don’t trust Him at all” and my pastor’s wife who says, “Either God is God or He is NOT”. I’m tired of trying and just plain tired. I will NEVER be perfect.

We try so hard, especially as women and moms…even men, to be perfect. One definition Webster’s gives for perfect is COMPLETE, lacking no essential detail. I’ll say it again I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. I can’t. He is the ONLY perfect, COMPLETE one, and He is the ONLY one who can COMPLETE me. Wow this thought just popped in my head and I’m just going to say it. What if a pursuit of trying to be perfect, in any way, is a form of idolatry? OUCH.

The Perfect Christian, with my “spiritual” to do list checked off, the Perfect Wife, doing the cleaning, cooking, and caring for my husband, and the Perfect Mother with devotional time, scripture memory, letters, numbers, and discipline ALL while having a loving, kind, compassionate attitude to my child (when what I really want is a moment of silence and to go to the bathroom by myself). Am I trying so hard to make myself GREAT and get some form of GLORY that I totally miss out. WOW, and not only am I missing out but really putting myself in His place, as if any glory was mine to be attained. AM I WORSHIPING MYSELF (as self deprecating as my attempts to achieve notoriety are)? HOLY SMOKES. I've just been knocked on my butt. It's hard though. I don’t know about y’all but the PROVERBS 31 Woman lingers constantly in the forefront on my mind as this DO or DIE TRYING ideal of who we are supposed to be. Now PLEASE don’t get me wrong. I love the Proverbs 31 Woman. My Mom, Grandmothers, and Aunts are that woman. However, I believe the Proverbs 31 Woman, was that woman, not because she was trying to be something above and beyond, but because she knew this:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”-Proverbs 3:5-6. (This among countless other scripture)

We are killing ourselves TRYING so hard to keep it all together… trying to keep all the plates up in air and then what…we go to bed destitute and desperate. We either trust Him with all of it or nothing. There is no middle ground with Him. At what point do we wave the white flag and surrender? At what point are we so desperate for a change that we say “Lord, here am I…DEVASTATE ME”?

Are you there yet? I am. I’m desperate for better and ready for MORE. This cannot and IS NOT all there is.

So, are you there yet?

If so I know God has an incredible journey ahead of us. If not…….

Isaiah 41: 10

“Do not fear, for I am with you, Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

John 16:33

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; “I have overcome the world.” ”

DEVASTATED PART 1: THE CALL

Devastated

Definition:

1) To Bring to Ruin or Desolation by violent action

2) To Reduce to Chaos, disorder, or helplessness: overwhelm

Oh to be devastated by a Holy Power. What does that mean? To be completely overwhelmed, made absolutely helpless, totally obliterated, UNRECOGNIZABLE!!! What would that take? Well, not much if God just chose to do so, and SOMETIMES HE does. It’s in the valleys that He is teaching us, HOWEVER, what if we CHOSE to become unrecognizable…CHOSE to be changed?

Right now I’ve started on a several part journey to be changed. I GIVE UP!!! There’s no amount of resolutions that I can make to do anything with the mess that is ME. I’ve tried for years to change myself and have failed miserably, but that’s not my job anyway. Who do I think I am? Well, most definitely not who I’ve been “trying” to be for sure. I remember something my Mom always used to tell me “Only God can change the heart of a king”(usually in reference to my dad not letting me have what I want and her telling me to pray about it), but none the less that applies to me as well. Only He can change my heart. No matter how many bible studies or church events I attend there is nothing I can do to change my heart. It is only Jesus who can Redeem me. All I can do is GIVE UP.

So I wave the white flag (moment by moment) and surrender. Am I scared out of my mind? YES. Will it probably hurt like HAITES? YES. Will I have to sacrifice some things or A LOT of things? MOST DEFINITELY. Is God faithful ? MORE THAN I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND. IS HE ABUNDANTLY MORE THAT I WILL EVER NEED? YES YES YES HE IS!!!

There are one of two realizations that we have to come to as believers, either He is worth my EVERYTHING or He isn’t. Is He worth a few minutes of sleep? Is He worth me giving up some of my “precious” TV time? Is He worth me getting my rear end off of pinterest, facebook, and twitter? (Even if I’m becoming the housewife of the century with all my new recipes, craftiness, and cleaning techniques ;) ) He is calling, and has been calling longer that I want to admit. Today I choose to answer, “ HERE AM I LORD…DEVASTATE ME.” Scary and Exciting all at the same time. So my question to you is…What will your answer be??? Is HE worth your EVERYTHING or NOT?

BE DEVASTATED!!!

Philippians 1:21 “For to Me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”