Tied Up Tight

Okay, so it has been a while since I’ve written a post. I’ve been really well intentioned in the last several weeks, but never very intentional. I’ve had several topics that I’ve wanted to broach, but right now those will have to wait.

Right now, I want to talk about what I’ve been learning in my Wednesday morning Bible Study of Ruth. Ruth is by far one of my favorites and if you haven’t studied it you should. It is AWESOME, but I digress.

Anyway, during our study we have talked a lot about Loss, Love, and Legacy. We’ve been asked to do some real “soul” searching, and become very vulnerable and honest with ourselves. We’ve been asked to write our story and share the journey that God has us on. To be REAL with you…it has been extremely difficult. I feel like I’ve been put in the middle of nowhere, with only a can of beans and a spoon. How am I supposed to get this thing opened??? I’ve prayed and asked God to open me up, but nothing seems to happen. Honestly, I feel like I am asking the wrong thing, so much so I’ve been asking to be broken. (NOT ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO PRAY). I’ll put it to you this way… I feel like I’m tied up tighter than the prom queen going to her 25th high school reunion. What is my deal?!?! I want to be FREE, but Freedom requires effort and work.

I know right now I am in an incredible time of Harvest. God is doing amazing things in my marriage and in the lives of me and my husband. God is blessing my friendships abundantly more than I could ever think or ask. God is opening doors for me to be involved in the ministries of my church and in the lives of others. SO WHAT IS MY DEAL!!! My deal is that in the midst of the Harvest I’ve gotten LAZY. Corrie Ten Boom said it best “You don’t realize Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have”. Well, I’ve forgotten. I’ve forgotten how He has seen me through my darkest most desperate moments. I’ve forgotten about His provision and faithfulness. My momentary Desperation has been met, but something deep inside longs for more. In a time of abundance I know that He still has a story for me, and I’ve gotten lazy in pursuit of it. I mean I’ve still gone through the motions just like I always do, but I’ve not remained dependant upon or desperate for that deep intimate relationship He desires for us.

So What Now??? I need to start by having some REAL conversations with God. What is in me that He wants OUT!!! OR what am I putting into me that He wants GONE!!! That is hard to write, because I like the way that I do things and I have a nice little routine of life. BUT we have to start somewhere. WE HAVE TO GET REAL BEFORE GOD OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I want the story He has for me. I mean if it is anything like what He is blessing me right now with then I can’t even imagine what else He has in store. GOD wants us JUST THE WAY WE ARE…PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. He knows all our secrets, everything we are ashamed of and everything we hope to be. If we just open up ourselves and trust that “GOD IS GOD and WE ARE NOT” then I promise God’s provision will abound in your life and mine.

The Lost Moment

Have you ever had an epiphany and didn’t get around to writing it down or a crazy dream that you wanted to put pen to paper about. I do that all the time. I miss these moments. Recently though, I feel like I get a glimpse of God and then just forget. For example: the other day I was on my way to a friend’s house to pick something up, it had been a rainy day and I was driving through my neighborhood. As I was driving over a creek I looked in the distance and there I beheld the most amazingly, perfectly clear rainbow I had ever seen. I believe at that time I had just been in a “dispute” with my spouse over who knows what now, and I was still a bit heated over it. I could have totally missed this spectacle of God’s glory displayed for what seemed like it had been just for me. If you know me at all, I love to look for God in nature. My favorite place is Concan, TX floating the Frio River and beholding the beauty of His creation. He speaks to me in those moments of awesome splendor.
Well, in my dispute I’m sure I used some unsavory language. It is a problem that God and I are working on, and it was as if God said NEVER AGAIN!!! Since I was a child I think of Noah and God promising to Never Again flood the earth, and the symbol of this was a RAINBOW. So my behavior warranted a “NEVER AGAIN” from God. It was quite humbling.
I truly believe that God speaks to all of us and the question is…are we listening? What if I would have missed that rainbow and God speaking into my heart a message of love, correction, and promise of a future? How many other promises or moments designed by God specifically for me have I missed in the past or simply forgotten about? I know there are things to be done and ministry to be filled, but I would hope that we would take time to ask God to speak specifically to our heart and then slow down enough to listen and wait for what He has to say. HOWEVER, be ready to OBEY if He is calling you unto Himself and what that might take.