DEVASTATED PART 3: THE CHALLENGE

Devastated Part 3 The Challenge.

Webster’s Definition

Challenge: To confront or defy boldly: Dare

When I think of the word challenge I have memories of my childhood, being challenged to do something I was uncomfortable with, jumping into the river, rock climbing, deer hunting, scuba diving (really my life is not as interesting as it may sound). Most of those things I love to do, and as I look back I am glad that I at least tried them and that I experienced the thrill that they offered. However, there are things that I am challenged with that I run scared from, afraid of the sacrifice or the work that it might take to accomplish the thing that I am being challenged with.

One such instance occurred with a friend of mine a few weeks ago. We decided to meet up at favorite chicken sandwich joint, CFA. While watching our girls play in the play place we sat and talked, just catching up with one another, and out of left field she asked me, “Hey, do you want to run a marathon with me?” . Honestly, my knee jerk reaction was NOOOOOOOO!!!! However, I do have a severely messed up knee that I’m probably going to have some sort of surgery or serious action taken upon it at some point that physically prevents me from doing such a thing. Now with that being said my initial response was NO regardless of any physical ailment. Too much pain for sure and the sacrifice I couldn’t begin to wrap my mind around that. Now this particular friend God has given me through His Grace and Understanding that I need someone in my life who will push me, believe in me, and kick my tail when it needs it, not because she is some supernatural spiritual women (although she is pretty amazing), but because she has allowed God to do that in her life through her relationship with Him and with others who do the same for her. Friends who boldly and lovingly speak truth and wisdom into your heart and soul are of the greatest value in life.

However, more importantly though do we allow God that place to examine us and show us anything in us that does not line up with His will for us.

Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

What if we had hobbies, however innocent, that were distracting us from anything that He was wanting to show us? Has my pursuit of my hobbies or interests become an idol? Am I so distracted that I miss so many things that He is wanting or needing me to learn in order to face whatever may be down the road in my life? The thought struck me …what if we fell on our knees in complete humility, giving everything of ourselves in worship to Him? I mean, He sacrificed His only Son for us what are we willing to sacrifice for Him? Is “me time” (pinterest, downton abbey, crafting, etc…) really more important than knowing my heavenly Father? Now if you get a knot in your stomach like I have we have to ask ourselves the question “ Are we really wanting to see His face and truly be His or are we content with the pittance that we get in our weekly or bi-weekly attendance at church?”. Do we really want to be where He is? Do we want to Feast at His table daily, saturated by the goodness and wholeness that He offers or are we content with our little bowl of weekly porridge that meets the nutritional minimum? If we want more, we MUST be willing to humble ourselves and bow before the ALMIGHTY MAKER of heaven and earth? To seek, see, taste, know, to behold and be beheld. Do we believe that when we call upon Him that He will answer? Have we lost even the faith of a mustard seed?

Luke 17:6 “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to the mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.”

What has happened to us? We want it to be our way right away, but that is dung. It leads to death.

Proverbs 16:25 “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death”

When we are not pursuing God we are walking as dead men and women. We need to be pursuing God. The Word of God is where it is at people. If we are not diving in, drinking deeply at the well that He so freely gives us, then we are dead. We have no life. His word is life giving, having the power to change our lives if we only believe it. God shed His ONLY son’s blood for us and we sit preoccupied by whatever tickles our fancy and sadly in total ignorance of what He is capable of. His ways are higher than our ways and how foolish we are to believe or live like anything else.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Now if you have never experienced the life giving transformation that Jesus offers… He waits for you.

Revelation 3:20 “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

He wants you just as you are.

John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

We are all messed up and sinners, Lost without a Savior

Romans 3:10 “ as it is written: None is righteous, no, not one;

Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the Glory of God”

Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 5:8 “but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 10:9 “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Romans 10:13 “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Romans 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been justified (made right or pure) by faith, we have peace with god through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

He is calling will you answer?

Now, whether we have a personal relationship with Him or not He is calling. Are we willing… to be MADE willing to be DEVASTATED (Changed beyond recognition) and allow the glory of God to arise in our lives and shine like never before? That is the CHALLENGE!!!

DEVASTATED PART 2: THE CHOICE

Okay so yesterday I posted about being Devastated, totally unrecognizable. Well this is what He has set in my heart “FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS”.

The last few years I feel like I've been in a tug of war, fighting a battle that I cannot win on my own, trying my hardest to be a "GOOD" Christian, Wife, and Mother BUT not who God created me to be. HIS!!!

I’ve been ignoring His call to journey with Him and struggling on my own to stay on a mountain top, in that safe place. I’ve been so unwilling to budge, desperate for something more or better thinking that is the only place I can attain it, only to have my rear end booted off time and time again. Somehow I’ve come to believe that if I’m not on the mountain top that I’m not where I need to be with Him, as if that is the only place He resides. As I’m writing this I can’t believe that I’ve been blind for so long. I’ve allowed Satan to tell me what a failure I am in those valley moments. I’ve allowed him to hinder my call, my dreams and most importantly my pursuit of MY JESUS. Instead of trusting Him with EVERYTHING, I’ve only trusted with some things. As my grandmother says, “You either trust God with Everything or you don’t trust Him at all” and my pastor’s wife who says, “Either God is God or He is NOT”. I’m tired of trying and just plain tired. I will NEVER be perfect.

We try so hard, especially as women and moms…even men, to be perfect. One definition Webster’s gives for perfect is COMPLETE, lacking no essential detail. I’ll say it again I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. I can’t. He is the ONLY perfect, COMPLETE one, and He is the ONLY one who can COMPLETE me. Wow this thought just popped in my head and I’m just going to say it. What if a pursuit of trying to be perfect, in any way, is a form of idolatry? OUCH.

The Perfect Christian, with my “spiritual” to do list checked off, the Perfect Wife, doing the cleaning, cooking, and caring for my husband, and the Perfect Mother with devotional time, scripture memory, letters, numbers, and discipline ALL while having a loving, kind, compassionate attitude to my child (when what I really want is a moment of silence and to go to the bathroom by myself). Am I trying so hard to make myself GREAT and get some form of GLORY that I totally miss out. WOW, and not only am I missing out but really putting myself in His place, as if any glory was mine to be attained. AM I WORSHIPING MYSELF (as self deprecating as my attempts to achieve notoriety are)? HOLY SMOKES. I've just been knocked on my butt. It's hard though. I don’t know about y’all but the PROVERBS 31 Woman lingers constantly in the forefront on my mind as this DO or DIE TRYING ideal of who we are supposed to be. Now PLEASE don’t get me wrong. I love the Proverbs 31 Woman. My Mom, Grandmothers, and Aunts are that woman. However, I believe the Proverbs 31 Woman, was that woman, not because she was trying to be something above and beyond, but because she knew this:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”-Proverbs 3:5-6. (This among countless other scripture)

We are killing ourselves TRYING so hard to keep it all together… trying to keep all the plates up in air and then what…we go to bed destitute and desperate. We either trust Him with all of it or nothing. There is no middle ground with Him. At what point do we wave the white flag and surrender? At what point are we so desperate for a change that we say “Lord, here am I…DEVASTATE ME”?

Are you there yet? I am. I’m desperate for better and ready for MORE. This cannot and IS NOT all there is.

So, are you there yet?

If so I know God has an incredible journey ahead of us. If not…….

Isaiah 41: 10

“Do not fear, for I am with you, Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

John 16:33

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; “I have overcome the world.” ”

DEVASTATED PART 1: THE CALL

Devastated

Definition:

1) To Bring to Ruin or Desolation by violent action

2) To Reduce to Chaos, disorder, or helplessness: overwhelm

Oh to be devastated by a Holy Power. What does that mean? To be completely overwhelmed, made absolutely helpless, totally obliterated, UNRECOGNIZABLE!!! What would that take? Well, not much if God just chose to do so, and SOMETIMES HE does. It’s in the valleys that He is teaching us, HOWEVER, what if we CHOSE to become unrecognizable…CHOSE to be changed?

Right now I’ve started on a several part journey to be changed. I GIVE UP!!! There’s no amount of resolutions that I can make to do anything with the mess that is ME. I’ve tried for years to change myself and have failed miserably, but that’s not my job anyway. Who do I think I am? Well, most definitely not who I’ve been “trying” to be for sure. I remember something my Mom always used to tell me “Only God can change the heart of a king”(usually in reference to my dad not letting me have what I want and her telling me to pray about it), but none the less that applies to me as well. Only He can change my heart. No matter how many bible studies or church events I attend there is nothing I can do to change my heart. It is only Jesus who can Redeem me. All I can do is GIVE UP.

So I wave the white flag (moment by moment) and surrender. Am I scared out of my mind? YES. Will it probably hurt like HAITES? YES. Will I have to sacrifice some things or A LOT of things? MOST DEFINITELY. Is God faithful ? MORE THAN I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND. IS HE ABUNDANTLY MORE THAT I WILL EVER NEED? YES YES YES HE IS!!!

There are one of two realizations that we have to come to as believers, either He is worth my EVERYTHING or He isn’t. Is He worth a few minutes of sleep? Is He worth me giving up some of my “precious” TV time? Is He worth me getting my rear end off of pinterest, facebook, and twitter? (Even if I’m becoming the housewife of the century with all my new recipes, craftiness, and cleaning techniques ;) ) He is calling, and has been calling longer that I want to admit. Today I choose to answer, “ HERE AM I LORD…DEVASTATE ME.” Scary and Exciting all at the same time. So my question to you is…What will your answer be??? Is HE worth your EVERYTHING or NOT?

BE DEVASTATED!!!

Philippians 1:21 “For to Me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”

Will I Fight???

There is a war being waged RIGHT NOW...a war for my heart, my soul, my purpose, and my passion, as there is for everyone else around me. A war in which I feel totally ill prepared for. A war, that if fought on my own I WILL LOSE!!! It terrifies me and excites me all at the same time. However, I find myself cowering from the call to fight... the call to STORM the very GATES OF HELL. Why??? I mean time and time again the God of ALL Creation says "I AM HIS", "I WILL DELIVER YOU", "YOU ARE MINE", "I AM YOUR STRONG TOWER". Over and over again He reminds me of His love for ME, so why so afraid? Am I afraid of the cost, the sacrifice, the possibility of rejection (well duh I am a woman after all)? I'm tired of being afraid, of being a COWARD. My time of rest is over and the time to FIGHT is NOW!!! So will I rise to the occasion and STAND and PROCLAIM the WORD of the LORD, to seek and fight for HIS GLORY. To set the captives FREE in JESUS NAME.

My Prayer:
Lord Jesus Thank You for calling Me by name, for loving me and declaring me YOUR'S, and for never leaving me or forsaking me. Lord, I long to be ravenous in my pursuit of You, and I'm not and for that I am sorry. I know that I am a coward and disobedient and ask for Your forgiveness. Lord Jesus I will pursue you, I will fight for your Glory, I will wage war against the Enemy, and seek to be wild in my abandon for You. Lord PLEASE give me wisdom and grant me discernment...to know when to speak and when to shut up. I long to be your vessel. Please Lord let your name be brought Glory in ALL I do. I love you so much and I am so grateful for who YOU are in my life. Thank You.
I LOVE YOU.

ME

Let's Get HOLEY!!!

Wow!!! I know it has been a while since I've posted. I could conjure up some pretty decent sounding excuses, but the fact is I just haven't been intentional about writing. Who knows how much that will change in the coming days but for now I am going to take this one day at a time.

Anyway, recently I went through an amazing Bible Study, "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. Amazing really doesn't come close to explaining how transformational it was for me. I'm beginning to see things in a whole different way. One thing that I want to hit on today is becoming Holy.

Throughout the course of the study the word "holy" kept coming up. To get rid of the junk and pursue Christ. (That sounds seriously sunday school...sorry). However, when I kept hearing the word "holy" I kept thinking "holey", like to have alot of holes. I mean for thirteen weeks every time we talked about holy I thought holey, over and over again. My brain went to Swiss Cheese and not purity before the Lord. Well, I began to process through why am I thinking that. When talking about being holy I began to realize that there was alot of "stuff" in my life that needed out. Things that were blocking Holy from shining through. Things that I need to get rid of in order for Jesus to be seen. I need to get holey. The things that initially came to mind that I should deal with were: what I was watching on television, how much time I spend on facebook, and even what energy I was using in serving with wrong motives. Pretty much some of the stuff that you would think of initially, you know surface stuff. As I began to weed through some of those issues I found other things like, depending on relationships with others for self worth and not God, being very ME focused and not other's centered (especially in my marriage), contriving my definition of goodness and self worth by what I do and not WHO I serve. I was a little astonished, maybe not really, over how lacking I was in my relationship with MY DAD (as in heavenly father). All that I had traded away for Freedom, Love, Understanding, Forgiveness, Provision, Faithfulness, Wisdom...the list could go on forever. I think you get the idea. I traded playing fruit ninja for some worship time, or facebook time for just being still and meditating on Who He is. I lost...no I GAVE AWAY my joy for cheap, disgusting nothingness. MY DAD, the God of all Creation, loves ME, despite my selfish heart. He STILL AND ALWAYS will WANT ME just as I am. When I come just as I am that is when He can make me just as HE is. HOLY!!! He will never ask me to give up what He does not intend to replace. That is the best trade of all.

So What are you trading away for Holy?

Tied Up Tight

Okay, so it has been a while since I’ve written a post. I’ve been really well intentioned in the last several weeks, but never very intentional. I’ve had several topics that I’ve wanted to broach, but right now those will have to wait.

Right now, I want to talk about what I’ve been learning in my Wednesday morning Bible Study of Ruth. Ruth is by far one of my favorites and if you haven’t studied it you should. It is AWESOME, but I digress.

Anyway, during our study we have talked a lot about Loss, Love, and Legacy. We’ve been asked to do some real “soul” searching, and become very vulnerable and honest with ourselves. We’ve been asked to write our story and share the journey that God has us on. To be REAL with you…it has been extremely difficult. I feel like I’ve been put in the middle of nowhere, with only a can of beans and a spoon. How am I supposed to get this thing opened??? I’ve prayed and asked God to open me up, but nothing seems to happen. Honestly, I feel like I am asking the wrong thing, so much so I’ve been asking to be broken. (NOT ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO PRAY). I’ll put it to you this way… I feel like I’m tied up tighter than the prom queen going to her 25th high school reunion. What is my deal?!?! I want to be FREE, but Freedom requires effort and work.

I know right now I am in an incredible time of Harvest. God is doing amazing things in my marriage and in the lives of me and my husband. God is blessing my friendships abundantly more than I could ever think or ask. God is opening doors for me to be involved in the ministries of my church and in the lives of others. SO WHAT IS MY DEAL!!! My deal is that in the midst of the Harvest I’ve gotten LAZY. Corrie Ten Boom said it best “You don’t realize Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have”. Well, I’ve forgotten. I’ve forgotten how He has seen me through my darkest most desperate moments. I’ve forgotten about His provision and faithfulness. My momentary Desperation has been met, but something deep inside longs for more. In a time of abundance I know that He still has a story for me, and I’ve gotten lazy in pursuit of it. I mean I’ve still gone through the motions just like I always do, but I’ve not remained dependant upon or desperate for that deep intimate relationship He desires for us.

So What Now??? I need to start by having some REAL conversations with God. What is in me that He wants OUT!!! OR what am I putting into me that He wants GONE!!! That is hard to write, because I like the way that I do things and I have a nice little routine of life. BUT we have to start somewhere. WE HAVE TO GET REAL BEFORE GOD OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I want the story He has for me. I mean if it is anything like what He is blessing me right now with then I can’t even imagine what else He has in store. GOD wants us JUST THE WAY WE ARE…PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. He knows all our secrets, everything we are ashamed of and everything we hope to be. If we just open up ourselves and trust that “GOD IS GOD and WE ARE NOT” then I promise God’s provision will abound in your life and mine.

The Lost Moment

Have you ever had an epiphany and didn’t get around to writing it down or a crazy dream that you wanted to put pen to paper about. I do that all the time. I miss these moments. Recently though, I feel like I get a glimpse of God and then just forget. For example: the other day I was on my way to a friend’s house to pick something up, it had been a rainy day and I was driving through my neighborhood. As I was driving over a creek I looked in the distance and there I beheld the most amazingly, perfectly clear rainbow I had ever seen. I believe at that time I had just been in a “dispute” with my spouse over who knows what now, and I was still a bit heated over it. I could have totally missed this spectacle of God’s glory displayed for what seemed like it had been just for me. If you know me at all, I love to look for God in nature. My favorite place is Concan, TX floating the Frio River and beholding the beauty of His creation. He speaks to me in those moments of awesome splendor.
Well, in my dispute I’m sure I used some unsavory language. It is a problem that God and I are working on, and it was as if God said NEVER AGAIN!!! Since I was a child I think of Noah and God promising to Never Again flood the earth, and the symbol of this was a RAINBOW. So my behavior warranted a “NEVER AGAIN” from God. It was quite humbling.
I truly believe that God speaks to all of us and the question is…are we listening? What if I would have missed that rainbow and God speaking into my heart a message of love, correction, and promise of a future? How many other promises or moments designed by God specifically for me have I missed in the past or simply forgotten about? I know there are things to be done and ministry to be filled, but I would hope that we would take time to ask God to speak specifically to our heart and then slow down enough to listen and wait for what He has to say. HOWEVER, be ready to OBEY if He is calling you unto Himself and what that might take.